Uniforms and Bikinis

Riding in the car back to Tel Aviv with Edna and Udi after the Pesach seder, I had a good opportunity to ask Udi, a new army recruit, a question that had been on my mind for some time. How do the girls (and most of the boys) manage to get their army pants to fit so they ride low on the hips? I was expecting a short answer but given that the question involved teenagers and the Israeli army, two complicated groups, I got quite an earful. So, here’s the scoop. Each new recruit gets three uniforms that must last for the entire three years of service. When I expressed surprise at this, Udi explained that this was entirely sufficient because almost everyone wears one or two uniforms over and over again with repeated washings to break them in and create the impression of long term service. No one likes to appear to be a newbie. Another technique used to avoid this embarrassment is to rub the black lacquer coating off the eyelets of the shoes and the insignia pin with steel wool (and rub them on the floor, if necessary). The most elaborate treatment is reserved for the beret, which is covered with a fuzzy material that makes it appear “like a dead cat.” In order to denude the beret the following steps are taken: First, deodorant is sprayed all over the outside; then it is burned and shaved. Next, the beret is soaked in water and stuffed into a small cup or glass to sit overnight or until it has achieved the desired shape. (Thanks, Udi for confirming the details in case anyone wants to try this!). Anyhow, back to the issue of fit. As you can imagine, the process for dispensing the uniforms is quite chaotic—lots of naked recruits in a big room trying on various sizes to attempt to get the right fit. Supposedly you can keep asking for another size until you are satisfied, but in reality those who are giving out the uniforms tell you it looks good and rush you along (for no apparent reason). To exchange any part of the uniform afterwards is next to impossible. Udi described the situation of someone who had a broken shoelace. Every day for an entire week he asked for a new shoelace but failed to receive one. Finally, he took some white string and used that to tie his shoe. Very clever. Since the regulation shoelaces are black, his makeshift lace stuck out and he was yelled at-- “why are you wearing that, you can’t wear that”-- and immediately received a new lace. The moral, you better get the uniform to fit right from the beginning. But since the uniforms don’t exactly flatter the girls’ figures, many take their uniforms to be tailored in order to achieve the best fit and the right look (see: http://www.serialno3817131.com/ for some examples).

In stark contrast to the less than flattering army uniforms, bikinis are the way to go when it’s beach weather in Tel Aviv, though not on the segregated beach. Apparently, Pesach is the turning point for swimsuit season (in the States it would be Memorial Day, while Labor Day and Rosh Hashana mark the sartorial transition from white to black accessories). Yesterday at shuk HaCarmel we encountered a frenzied scene around the bathing suit stall—sort of like the wedding dress sale at Filene’s basement but at least no one was trying on suits in the aisles. Of course, some of you may know that the cover of this year’s Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue features an Israeli model, Bar Refaeli (NOT THAT I ENDORSE THIS ENTERPRISE!!! In fact, Lew canceled his subscription quite a few years ago over the inclusion of this offensive non-sport issue).